Today i was severely tested on my patience. It really annoys me how when you seem to have reached a good place and your on a really good vibe people want to try and deflate that and pull you down mentally on to their level.
I have to laugh really, sometimes you are placed in certain situations (or should i say certain situations find their way to you) where you are being tested. But it’s not the test that matters it’s whether or not you pass and today i certainly did. I wasn’t going to allow nothing or nobody to affect my peace of mind, i may have rose to the situation at the time, but i quickly dragged myself out of it and walked away for which i am very proud of.
Recently my son turned four, the sudden development of his vocabulary has really amazed me. Sometimes you don’t fully realize just how fast there growing up till you see them do something of hear them say something you never anticipated. He is a truly a breath of fresh of air and always manages to lift my spirits when i feel a little low.It’s funny how your kids can do that – they remind you that you need to press on. The joys of parent hood never seize to amaze me:)
To say it’s been while is an understatement – i know. I cannot really begin to excuse my absence. I’ve just been busy in other areas. As i mentioned a few months ago i was setting up a jewellery business and so i have have been focusing on that really,and building up the blog for that. I have recently started a new blog called “The spirit of Opulence” which is my journey of finding freedom of life and discovery of the Law of Attraction.
I would like to thank all of you who have still commented on past posts despite the fact that i have not been around for a while, which is why i thought it was time to pop my head back up and let you no I’m still here. This blog has brought me on a journey which has mostly been expressed through my poetry. If you go back to the much earlier posts you will notice the shift in attitude, which is why i could never give up on this blog because it has brought me a long way.
If you can check out my new blog as it may be useful to you.
Sometimes we allow ourselves to get so tangled up in matters of life – whether it be love,work,finances, that we lose sight of who we are.
Sometimes we get thrown so far off track that we have to re-discover ourselves. And sometimes our journey of discovery is something new to us, for we never really figured out who we were in the first place.
Whichever may apply to you, if any, the focal point here is that among the chaos you always have to remember YOU. No one else can be there for you better than you can be there for yourself. Building and maintaining that relationship with yourself can be really difficult for some of us, even more so than building a relationship with someone else. But unless we have first built that relationship with ourselves, maintaining that relationship with someone else can be even more difficult. The same instance applies to everything really, work, your children, friendships, if your not whole with yourself this in some way can affect all areas of your life in regards to how you handle certain situations or letting certain situations handle you.
I speak with a dear friend of mine in mind whilst writing this post. She is someone who i believe has never fully discovered herself. And now that children have been thrown into the equation, she has sort of become a little lost. She has allowed a lot of people in her life to walk all over her because she has never built that relationship with herself, therefore she does not allow herself to receive that level of respect that she deserves. She is also very self doubting in such a way that it’s not very nice to hear. And one of her favourite words seems to be “can’t”. She has kid’s so she hasn’t got the time, so she “can’t” do this and she “can’t” do that. She is basically in a state where i just want to shake her and say “OK so you have kid’s and a husband so what, this does not make you less capable of doing anything that you want to do. You should always have time for you,and if things are a little chaotic – find that time. Find that time to work on that relationship with yourself.”
I have my partner who i love dearly and my gorgeous son who is so precious to me. And i know that in order to be there for them in the way i should and the way i feel i should, i need to keep focus of who i am. I need to always remember me, and give myself that time i deserve to be me. If i didn’t then eventually i would crumble, then what would that leave for them, for my son. Despite saying this, before them…there was just me. This is something i and all of us have to remember.
Isn’t it funny when your on the bus and you happen to notice a particular lady on there, and later at the end of your day on the way home that same lady gets on your bus. Now is that just coincidence or is there a reason that stranger shows up in your day twice? Things like this happen to me a lot and always wondered.
History,despite it’s wrenching pain,cannot be unlived,but if faced with courage,need not be lived again.
I have been so busy lately trying to get my business up and running and trying to maintain my blogs, and then just everyday life – my son etc, It has led me to thinking a lot about life. There are so many possibilities available to you, it’s just about recognizing them and embracing them. I can now see that I was the blockage to my own happiness. I spent years dwelling on what was surrounding me – no job, no money, bills everywhere. I couldn’t see anything else, i was sinking…in a pit of despair to be honest. When things only seemed to be getting worse i realised that only i could bring myself out of the current situation. So i climbed out of it and never looked back, i realised that there are an endless amount of opportunities out there i just had to get out there and go and grab myself some of them. And since doing so things have changed dramatically. I realised i had to change my mindset. My opinion of myself was extremely low and i had no faith in the beauty of life. I now understand the true meaning behind the saying “Life is what you make it”. If you sit on your Tod doing nothing, thinking your nothing and that you don’t deserve nothing, then that’s exactly what life is going to bring you – Nothing. You have to really get out there and find opportunities where you didn’t think they lay, you have to have complete and utter faith in life,God and yourself. And even though the time may arise when it seems like things are going a little down hill you cannot allow it to change your mindset,always remember that you can turn things around.
Why is it that we don’t always welcome what is available to us? Why is it we don’t always realise were blocking what we want from reaching us? This evening i was having a discussion with my partner and he told me that in every situation – with every change always stands the question, what if? He seemed to think this is perfectly normal and that probably almost everyone does the same thing. Although it probably is true that a lot of people always ponder over the same thing and that to some degree it is normal, but i strongly disagree that it’s normal in the sense that it’s OK. I used to do the same thing don’t get me wrong, but you can’t hold a question mark over everything because this creates doubt, it doesn’t make room for certainty. Which is why i no longer do this, i cannot afford to spend time paying attention to this when life has so much to offer. I believe you should fully embrace life and all it has to offer. Always remember that your life is in your hands and the that the final road is always your choice. Sometimes you may get slightly jolted off track but there will always be a reason for this which will usually in some way go in your favour, although you may not realise this straight away if at all. But your final destination will always be your own creation. Hold on to what it is that you want see only that and believe in nothing else but that, that way there is never any room for what if.
When you clearly start to see the beauty of life that beauty will start raining down on your life!
Twisted excursions of the mind
Denote something of a different kind
A hidden self lost within
Free to roam
Unconscious of sin
How does one escape themselves
When deep within
Lies someone else
Yet a part of you
Another being, which makes you two
Behind the dark
I hear your cries
Beyond it all
I hear your call
Torn between my frame of mind
I don’t know where to turn it all
What’s more than lonely
But an empty space
An unknown indifference
Creates a void
As distorted minds
Strive to find
Something of a different kind
Who am I
But not me
Am I you
Is there a we
Maybe to discover you
First I must discover me!
I don’t know where i was today but my mind was completely some where else. For the majority of the day, for some unknown reason i have felt pretty low. It was a horrible feeling i couldn’t shake myself out of. One minor thing upset me a little this morning and it’s like, it just reminded me of other little problems around me that i am trying to ignore. And it really hit me because i don’t normally get like this, I’m normally really upbeat and highly optimistic about things. I don’t normally let things get to me, but today i let my guard down. I was grumpy,short tempered and not bothered about doing anything. I kept making silly mistakes today too like putting the remote in the fridge, and the milk in the cupboard. I hate it when your down about something but you just don’t know what, so you try to justify it with things that are really pointless. This was me all day. I was completely off track, but as i began to wind down this evening i have managed to climb out of my dark pit. I guess the moral of this post is that we can’t all be chipper all the time. I’m only human after all, and although i am normally together i can’t expect myself to be that way all the time. We all have our off days and today was mine.
I have something I want to say
Although it doesn’t matter now anyway
I thought I would
I know I should
And if you don’t like it – well, that’s ok.
What makes me so different from you?
Why you look down your nose at me
Is it that I hold my head high
And take pride in my stride
Why you treat me so differently
Is it that I’m doing for me
What you want done for you
But can’t be bothered to do for yourself
Or is that unlike all the rest
I still wish you all the best
This was never a pretence for me
I’ve always been good to you
And my word has always been true
But never the less
You’ve made things a mess
And there’s nothing you can do
I have one more thing to say
Although it doesn’t matter now anyway
I thought I would
I know I should
You probably won’t like it
But I’m going to say it anyway.
What makes you so different from me
Is that behind that smile
Your conceited and vile
like an open book
I’ve read you thoroughly
I’ve not really much else to say
It probably wouldn’t matter if I did anyway
Because what I know of you is true
So my words won’t matter to you
You probably wasn’t listening anyway.