Pursuit of HAPPINESS

As i drift amongst my thoughts
I flourish with excitement
for the future bears good things to come
This creative process is a journey i relish
as i lay the path to my destiny

My sights are high
my mind is set
You can’t stop me now
I refuse to neglect my pursuit of happiness.

                                                Written by Leonie Isaacs

And i’m back

 

I have not been very consistent with my entries for about a week now, but for some reason, lately my mind has been blank. Usually I’m riddled with thoughts that i struggle to understand yet alone contain, so i write them down and use them to create pieces of writing. But this, this was beyond writers block. It was as if my mind was empty, I’d try to create something but it was like i was staring at a brick wall. Like when you want to speak but you have no words.
I literally had no thoughts, which has never happened before. I was going day by day but nothing was going on up here. For the first time ever i was lost in my mind, secluded from my thoughts.
I don’t know where i was but it is not a place i want to be again.

My re-occuring dream

My Internet connection has been very unpredictable for the past week now which is why i have not been around much for the past few days.
I thought i would share a re-occuring dream with you, that finally came to an end 2 nights ago. Every time I’ve had this dream it seems to reveal a little bit more to the story, anyway like i said it finally reached the end and i was really surprised. I know dreams are not necessary literal,but i can’t figure out what this dream is trying to tell me.
I kind of extended it a little, to sort of put it more into a short story form. The main events are what actually occurred in my dream.

 

I’m lost in an unknown realm. Trapped between a dream and a nightmare. A fortress of my deepest thoughts and desires.
I’m standing at the center of a crossroads. Four routes that determine my fate. The sky is grey and the air is lifeless. The streets are empty, only cluttered with excessive amounts of litter running away from the wind.
Alone and confused i consume my surroundings seeking a clue to my location. The movement of forces in the wind, mentally creates a seed of anxiety in the pit of my stomach which blossoms into an unwelcome feeling of fear.
I run so fast i can know longer feel my feet touch the ground, whilst the distance slowly appears with each forward motion.
Suddenly all is still, the only sound to be heard is the sound of my heavy breathing. I stop and gaze around slowly. Not a single soul in sight. Life here appears to be non existent. There is only me.
Where the hell is everybody? Where the hell am i?

Something…..something doesn’t feel right. No…i feel like someone, somewhere is watching me. I can feel their eyes boring into me. And then faintly i hear them, yeah it’s really faint but i can hear footsteps running, coming.
Forces beyond my control create my legs to move at speeds i never knew they could. I can hear them getting louder and i can feel them getting closer, so i turn off and continue running down an alleyway between two shops. As I’m running the intensity of my fear grows stronger, i feel like i can actually feel my pulse beating. I turn another corner and a sharp pain in my chest forces me to stop. So i stop and take rest against a wall. Once i re-capture my breath i realise that i cant hear anything. Maybe they’ve gone. So many thoughts are racing through my head right now, i can’t hear them.

I lay my head against the wall and admire the sky. To some it may look dark and gloomy but to me, it has a mysterious beauty to it.
For a moment i allow myself to forget about where i am, trying to relieve some of this fear. As i slowly drift back to reality i decide to try and find a way out of here. I glance left then right and instinctively turn left. I walk to the end of the alleyway and turn right onto another street, which coincidentally seems to be filled with more abandoned shops, and a road filled with scattered derelict cars.
I keep walking, slowly scanning the street before me. But still nothing, no sign of The Stranger. Then all of a sudden i feel movement. Movement in the air. Before there didn’t seem to be any air. I could feel it i just couldn’t smell it, and then there’s this strong gust of fresh breeze that comes and disturbs the silent road. I stop and look round, and a familiar feeling rises inside of me. To afraid to wait and see who or what is going to come round the corner, i turn and run. I feel like I’m fighting against the wind, and this time i can’t hear the footsteps behind me, but i KNOW their there. I can feel them.

With that feeling i pick up speed and turn left. I continue running for a short while, when a sudden realization brings my feet to a sudden halt. I realise where i am. Right back at the center of the crossroads, and behind i can now hear the footsteps catching up with me. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep running. I’ve ended up right back at the start of this maze. How do i know that the key to my freedom is not whom i’m running from. So i spin round, waiting to see who turns the corner. And here i am face to face with The Stranger. Face to face with me.