Exploration of The MIND

A journey of discovery

Ahhhhh…..

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Recently my son turned four, the sudden development of his vocabulary has really amazed me. Sometimes you don’t fully realize just how fast there growing up till you see them do something of hear them say something you never anticipated. He is a truly a breath of fresh of air and always manages to lift my spirits when i feel a little low.It’s funny how your kids can do that – they remind you that you need to press on. The joys of parent hood never seize to amaze me:)

July 30, 2009 Posted by | Personal stuff, Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Life is what you make it?

I have been so busy lately trying to get my business up and running and trying to maintain my blogs, and then just everyday life – my son etc, It has led me to thinking a lot about life. There are so many possibilities available to you, it’s just about recognizing them and embracing them. I can now see that I was the blockage to my own happiness. I spent years dwelling on what was surrounding me – no job, no money, bills everywhere. I couldn’t see anything else, i was sinking…in a pit of despair to be honest. When things only seemed to be getting worse i realised that only i could bring myself out of the current situation. So i climbed out of it and never looked back, i realised that there are an endless amount of opportunities out there i just had to get out there and go and grab myself some of them. And since doing so things have changed dramatically. I realised i had to change my mindset. My opinion of myself was extremely low and i had no faith in the beauty of life. I now understand the true meaning behind the saying “Life is what you make it”. If you sit on your Tod doing nothing, thinking your nothing and that you don’t deserve nothing, then that’s exactly what life is going to bring you – Nothing. You have to really get out there and find opportunities where you didn’t think they lay, you have to have complete and utter faith in life,God and yourself. And even though the time may arise when it seems like things are going a little down hill you cannot allow it to change your mindset,always remember that you can turn things around.
Why is it that we don’t always welcome what is available to us? Why is it we don’t always realise were blocking what we want from reaching us? This evening i was having a discussion with my partner and he told me that in every situation – with every change always stands the question, what if? He seemed to think this is perfectly normal and that probably almost everyone does the same thing. Although it probably is true that a lot of people always ponder over the same thing and that to some degree it is normal, but i strongly disagree that it’s normal in the sense that it’s OK. I used to do the same thing don’t get me wrong, but you can’t hold a question mark over everything because this creates doubt, it doesn’t make room for certainty. Which is why i no longer do this, i cannot afford to spend time paying attention to this when life has so much to offer. I believe you should fully embrace life and all it has to offer. Always remember that your life is in your hands and the that the final road is always your choice. Sometimes you may get slightly jolted off track but there will always be a reason for this which will usually in some way go in your favour, although you may not realise this straight away if at all. But your final destination will always be your own creation. Hold on to what it is that you want see only that and believe in nothing else but that, that way there is never any room for what if.

When you clearly start to see the beauty of life that beauty will start raining down on your life!

March 18, 2009 Posted by | Life, Personal stuff, Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

An off day

I don’t know where i was today but my mind was completely some where else. For the majority of the day, for some unknown reason i have felt pretty low. It was a horrible feeling i couldn’t shake myself out of. One minor thing upset me a little this morning and it’s like, it just reminded me of other little problems around me that i am trying to ignore. And it really hit me because i don’t normally get like this, I’m normally really upbeat and highly optimistic about things. I don’t normally let things get to me, but today i let my guard down. I was grumpy,short tempered and not bothered about doing anything. I kept making silly mistakes today too like putting the remote in the fridge, and the milk in the cupboard. I hate it when your down about something but you just don’t know what, so you try to justify it with things that are really pointless. This was me all day. I was completely off track, but as i began to wind down this evening i have managed to climb out of my dark pit. I guess the moral of this post is that we can’t all be chipper all the time. I’m only human after all, and although i am normally together i can’t expect myself to be that way all the time. We all have our off days and today was mine.

March 9, 2009 Posted by | Life, Personal stuff | , , , | 2 Comments

Finding a place called home

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So i finally feel like I’ve done it. I can now look all those that judged and criticized me, in the faces and say “Ha, look at me now.” So – called friends, family, my so – called father. Things are going so great it makes me beam with Joy. In the past year a lot has happened some of which you’ll know about, and i just wanna thank all those that doubted me, that did me wrong and those that hated on me. You know why…..? Because you have helped me to release a strength i never knew was there, without all the upheaval over the past year i would not be where i am now. So thanks 🙂
I don’t understand some people. They want to cuss you if your not going anywhere, if your not doing anything with yourself, but then when you are they still want to cuss you. You think your better than them because your doing something with your life, because you have plans, hopes, dreams. If they put that energy that they used to judge and criticize you on themselves, then they too may reach a point where they can be happy with there lives and themselves.

This Saturday i celebrate 5 years with my partner. To some of you that may not seem like anything big but to me that’s huge. There were times that i wondered if we’d get this far and i know a few people that never thought we would and are still hoping that we probably won’t go much further, and to them i politely present my middle finger!
For me, it’s because so much has gone on and it just amazes me that we always manage to come through it. We managed to resolve one issue that seemed to resolve everything and now things feel stronger than ever…..anyway my point here being that, i guess sometimes the test of true love is not always the battles you face but it’s the ones you don’t. It’s the things that go unsaid, the issues you never knew were really there. It’s recognizing them. I was so blinded by issues in front of my eyes that i never actually realised that that was not the root of the problem, it was something i didn’t even notice was there, therefore i couldn’t see it.

Now i feel at peace with everything, with myself, with life, and with my relationship. I know that i will still reach a few more bumps along my journey but i am extremely grateful for the smooth ride now.

February 26, 2009 Posted by | Life, Personal stuff | , , , | Leave a comment

The Warrior Within

Within me lies a warrior
silent like the night
with a vigorous strength
not yet fully revealed to me

She feeds on your weakness
which to you are not aware
is the ugly side of a deeper you
a side i didn’t know was there

Intrigued by your logic
I let you go your way
but beware i sit back and watch
like a predator hunting their prey

The battles yours
yet the victory will be mine
for the warrior fights within
together she and i make a stand
together we are unstoppable.

                    Written by Leonie Isaacs

February 18, 2009 Posted by | Personal stuff, poetry | , , | Leave a comment

Forgive me….

I know….it has been a while since my last post, i have been so busy. I am determined to make this year so different from the last and start ticking things off my list so that is why i have not been around much lately. So….i have started a new blog, which i hope you all have at least checked out – you never know you might like it, i am also starting a businesswhich has me really busy right now. There is so much to do and it’s that that makes me so much more determined to get it all done, tinted to my perfection. Things are going really well at the moment – i have created a new blog for the business which i am also working on.

I have had a really good start to the year so far, my mind is so focused and when your in that mode the feeling is unreal. I have noticed though that my poetry flow has come to a bit of a halt which is slightly frustrating me. The ideas are there but getting them down on paper is what I’m finding difficult. I guess i have to learn to channel my thoughts more, i am so focused on everything i am trying to make a success right now that my mind is not really open to anything else.

February 16, 2009 Posted by | Personal stuff | , , | Leave a comment

My detox + new things on the horizon

On January 1st i decided to go meat free for a month. I am so proud of myself as the challenge hasn’t been much of one at all. For someone who has always loved meat so much – i have found it so easy and I’m not sure if  I’m even going to go back to eating meat. I feel a lot more healthy and energised than i did when i was eating meat, as i am eating  a lot more fish, pulses, lentils and veg. It’s great what a detox can do for you – how it can make you feel.
I watched a programme the other day which was talking about cheap food. It was looking at meat and the content of certain foods such as pies, sausages and other foods which contained meat, and it was just informing you of how much meat they actually contained and what else they contained that we may have not been aware of.  Because of the ” Credit Crunch” some of us have been reduced to buying supermarket brand foods but are not fully aware of the price we are having to pay for eating these foods, as the meat and nutritional content is extremely low. Supermarkets are putting emphasis on the price of supermarket own brand foods to entice people to buy them yet the content of some of these foods is disturbing. Because of the predicament the decision between choosing healthier  foods or affordable food is for some – not really much of a choice at all, as healthier options are becoming more and more expensive. Health concerns and obesity is constantly being publicized yet we are left with not really much of a choice to buy these cheaper foods that are full of salt, high in fat and contain processed meat. We are having to chose to buy cheap food over the consideration of our health! I think that’sdisgusting. I have opted to buying vegetarian foods for a while now, such as sausages, burgers, pies etc. For these i know are going to be soya based and not processed meat, and for me – there is not really much difference in taste. Obviously at first there is, but then you don’t notice it. So a lot the freezer food i buy is Quorn, Lynda McCartney or any other meat free range.

 

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I am in the process of  starting my own business from home and will soon be introducing you to a new blog i am starting which will contain up to date information on the business – which by the way is a online Jewelery store – ladies.

January 29, 2009 Posted by | Life, Personal stuff | , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Futures BRIGHT!

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I must say this week has been pretty good. I have taken up drawing again and have recently started learning to paint too- Watercolor mostly. I used to draw when i was younger-it was a really big hobby of mine. But i just stopped, i never really felt that i was that good, therefore wouldn’t really get anywhere with it, which is what i had always hoped to do. But i felt i should give myself a chance, and decided not to give up before I’ve really begun. So i am now teaching myself. I hope to set up my own site soon presenting my Art.
I get a divine inner peace when creating, It’s wonderful. Don’t get me wrong – it’s the same when i write too, but it’s different when I’m drawing . I feel like that’s where I’m meant to be – that’s what I’m meant to be doing. Being able to visually express the wonders of my mind – to create a world through your eyes….is bliss. I have improved a lot and am extremely excited to see where it will take me.
It’s great to just allow yourself to be totally free, and just do the things that you love doing – you know, really going for it. There are so many things that i have always wanted to do, so many things that i have always wanted to try or take up. But I’ve just never done them, I’ve always stuck to the things that i know, the things I’m already good at. Preventing myself from really trying anything new. Now i regularly ask myself – Am i giving myself a chance? Am i still doubting my abilities? When i feel that I’m sliding towards -Yes, quickly i pull myself up by the collar and rubbish away any thoughts of self doubt. And the results are great.
Are you giving yourself a chance?

January 18, 2009 Posted by | Life, Personal stuff | , , , | 1 Comment

A fresh start

So…were nearly 2 weeks into the new year and I’ve been quite busy. I have been putting things in order and basically working out where I’m going to start with all the plans I’ve made. I must say i feel great and extremely optimistic.
I received a digital SLR camera as a gift and so i have decided to take a photography course and make my passion for photography more than a hobby. I am not going to list to you everything that i am trying to do at the moment, but i will say watch this space, as i will inform you of my progress. This year i have decided that I’m not going to put aside my fears and start doing the things that i have always wanted to do, yet never thought i would be good at.

It saddens and irritates me that some people are so stuck in their ways. It’s a new year now, and i refuse to accept the same bullshit that i took from other people last year. This is a fresh start for me in many ways, but you always have those people that seem to still want to try and weigh you down – people close to me that seem to think i never get tired.
Well, new years eve i made a lot of promises to myself. I choose not to call them resolutions this year as i never seem to stick to them, but i know that if i made promises to myself i wouldn’t break them. Amongst my many promises, was the promise that i would start thinking more about myself, and accept know less than respect from anybody.  If i pay you respect then i don’t see why i should not receive the same in return. I became increasingly tired of giving certain people chance after chance-listening to excuses and lies and rubbish, only to be constantly disrespected by those close to me. So i decided NO MORE. I decided to reevaluate certain friendships and other relationships. I have taken full control of my life, and decided i am now longer doing or being to please others. And those who do not like it know what they can do. Since making this perfectly clear i have noticed a change in the attitude of those around me and also in myself. I am now not so busy worrying the state of certain matters caused by others, its like a part of me has let go and almost doesn’t really care anymore. I spent so long caring and trying to make things right and got no where, so now I’m just going to think about me. I think that’s fair enough.

January 13, 2009 Posted by | Personal stuff, Uncategorized | , , , | 2 Comments

GoodBye

The new year approaches, and i embrace it with grace – strength- determination and excitement. This year has taught me a lot about, people, life and myself.
This time last year is one i don’t care to go into to much or even remember, lets just say,it wasn’t a good time for me. But i managed to find my way out of the dark and into a beautiful light. I have learnt to believe. To believe that there is a whole new world waiting out there for me, just waiting for me to find it. I have learnt not to dwell on my appearances – how things seem are not how they really are. Not to stress over my struggles, that brighter day’s are to come. I have learnt to see the beauty in everything, and to accept whatever life chooses to bless me with. For every occurrence is a blessing. Whether it be good….. or bad, a reason lies behind, – a lesson is to be learned.
This year a lot of things have been revealed to me about people, which for a moment, took me to a sad place. But i didn’t allow it to keep me there. This year i have realised just how strong a person i am. You can throw hateful- jealous words, and you can kick me, but you will never be able to hold me down.
I’ve learnt to accept who i am, I’ve learnt to love myself. To me that is my greatest achievement this year. Saying that, to some of you, you may think – “Is that all”, but it’s personal. I’ve come a long way to get here.

For the new year i plan to fully exert myself. I’m on a mission and nothings going to get in my way. I am going to create the life that i deserve. Experience the happiness that i deserve. I am going to give my son the life he deserves and plant stable roots for his future.
I am ready to say goodbye to 2008, and i thank God for it. I am now ready for 2009.

December 31, 2008 Posted by | Personal stuff | , , , , | 2 Comments