Exploration of The MIND

A journey of discovery

From Strength to STRENGTH

Caught Up

What more do you want from me?
I’ve taken from you what wasn’t necessary
and I’ve given to you all that you could take from me.

Subdued by your words
fooled by your smile and the delicacy of your touch
I have remained trapped in a web of confusion
caught between my heart and my mind.

Written by Leonie Isaacs

I’m letting go

Let me introduce myself. My names Leonie Isaacs and I’m 23. I live with my partner of 5 years and we have a gorgeous 3 year old son, who is my everything. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He’s an intelligent, highly active little boy with a big heart.
I love reading, writing and photography. Those are my main interests so I’ll only list those, but i do have many others. It’s a shame we never got to know one another. It’s a shame you’ve never cared. I’ve seen you 4 times in 20 years, the last time being 4 years ago. I remember that day well, i was bubbling over with excitement.I’d found you after all these years and i was finally going to meet you. I say “meet” because i didn’t really remember you. I thought this was it, I’m finally going to get to know my dad, my dad finally wants to get to know me.
I should have known i was fooling myself, for the interest had never been there and it wasn’t then either.

Growing up, there was always a big part of me that yearned for you. I always wanted to know what it felt like to have someone to call dad. I guess now i will never know. I don’t even know where you are, and because of you, i have a brother and sister i will never meet.

I have a wonderful partner and a beautiful son you’ve never met. Your grandson. You had the chance but chose not to take it. At the time you were to busy being disappointed in me for even being pregnant. What a cheek you had, after all i hadn’t seen you in 17 years.
My mum has been more of a dad to me than you ever could, she has been there through everything. it’s because of her why I’m the woman i am today. All the battles I’ve had to fight, all the struggles I’ve had to face, all the people that have tried to weigh me down, i got through it all without you.

For years now I’ve kept you at the back of my mind, trying to believe that i was fine, that i did not care, not wanting to admit to myself that there was a big part of me that was hurt, angry.
This….this isn’t me still hurt or angry, for i have now realised i have know reason to allow myself to be affected by anything you do, or don’t do because you know longer hold a place in my mind. This is me letting you go.

I’m know longer sorry for me for not knowing you. I’m sorry for you, because you’ll never know me.

Singed Leonie Isaacs


COPYRIGHT © Leonie Isaacs 2008

Advertisements

4 Comments »

  1. On Caught up-
    I like this, it shows some intense emotion and a strong stand and yet a slight submissivness to that person.

    Comment by tjefferson85 | November 28, 2008 | Reply

  2. Looking back i can remember exactly how i felt at that time. Writing this and a few other poems that i wrote helped to release some of the pent up anger and to move forward from it. That was why i decided to create this page from strentgh to STRENGTH, it is where i will come when i need to let it all out, and never look back. Thanks for the comment.

    Comment by Leonie | November 28, 2008 | Reply

  3. On “I’m letting go”:

    first of all: I don not want this to sound trivial or lighthearted, but this is exactly the kid of “mental enema” I so often talk about.
    Ugly, disgusting and unpleasant as it may sound and feel, once it’s over it leaves you clean and ready to move on.

    second of all: a big virtual hug.
    _____________________________

    On “Caught up” : I agree with what tjefferson85 said. I’d only add one thing: there’s a rebel inside you, L.

    Comment by Jerry Adams | December 1, 2008 | Reply

  4. Thanks Jerry, writing this post means i have now moved on and i must say i feel alot lighter for it.

    Comment by Leonie | December 1, 2008 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: