Exploration of The MIND

A journey of discovery

Facing my demons

For the past few days i have been battling my inner demons. I have been so frustrated with myself.
A while ago, lets say a year, i got a numerology reading done on the Internet. Not for any reason in particular, i received an email from an astrologer offering me a full numerology reading for free. Name, date of birth etc and so i thought, hey,why not. Anyway, the reading was very insightful, there was a lot on there that i agreed with but it said one thing that i thought was a load of rubbish. Now i can’t recite it word for word but it was along the lines of, “I don’t see things through to the end, I don’t complete tasks”. It was going pretty good up until then, so when i read that I thought, “well that’s not true”. I don’t normally get these kind of readings done, i don’t believe that someone can tell me who I am, so normally i would just say, “Whatever” and forget about it. But since i got this reading it has always played on my mind, and then the other day i realised why. Why it had bothered me so much was because it was true.
Admitting this to myself was really hard, because i am someone who takes great pride in my work,(which is one thing the reading did say and got right) and who is extremely driven by my many interests. I mean, it’s not to say that i have never completed anything i have started, but there are a lot of things that i have started and not completed. I think part of the problem is that i have too many interests, too many things that i want to try, or learn. But MY problem is that before i finish doing one thing I’m beginning another.
Lately i have just been thinking, “do i actually know what i want to do.” I have taken up so many things, and i have done so many different courses, believing that that was the route i wanted to go down and then later realising that it wasn’t or being doubtful as to whether i was making the right decision. Just when i feel like i am getting somewhere discovering more about me, i come to a sudden halt. It’s like i get through one hurdle only to face another. So for the past few day’s i have been angry with myself. I have been constantly asking myself , whats’ wrong with me. But i know the only person who can fix this is me.  I have got a lot of thinking and a lot more learning to do. A lot more to learn about myself.

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December 6, 2008 - Posted by | Personal stuff | ,

2 Comments »

  1. When things get to be too much for us, we should just pray. It gets that way for me sometime and I find strength in just talking to Jesus. We just have to go back to our roots sometime. That’s who our forefathers and foremothers look to and what’s good enough for them is more than good for us.

    You’re a writer. Cool. I write too.

    Comment by Stephen Bess | December 10, 2008 | Reply

  2. By the way, I wrote some Haiku today and posted one. Tell me what you think. There is more to come.

    Comment by Stephen Bess | December 11, 2008 | Reply


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