Exploration of The MIND

A journey of discovery

Facing my demons

For the past few days i have been battling my inner demons. I have been so frustrated with myself.
A while ago, lets say a year, i got a numerology reading done on the Internet. Not for any reason in particular, i received an email from an astrologer offering me a full numerology reading for free. Name, date of birth etc and so i thought, hey,why not. Anyway, the reading was very insightful, there was a lot on there that i agreed with but it said one thing that i thought was a load of rubbish. Now i can’t recite it word for word but it was along the lines of, “I don’t see things through to the end, I don’t complete tasks”. It was going pretty good up until then, so when i read that I thought, “well that’s not true”. I don’t normally get these kind of readings done, i don’t believe that someone can tell me who I am, so normally i would just say, “Whatever” and forget about it. But since i got this reading it has always played on my mind, and then the other day i realised why. Why it had bothered me so much was because it was true.
Admitting this to myself was really hard, because i am someone who takes great pride in my work,(which is one thing the reading did say and got right) and who is extremely driven by my many interests. I mean, it’s not to say that i have never completed anything i have started, but there are a lot of things that i have started and not completed. I think part of the problem is that i have too many interests, too many things that i want to try, or learn. But MY problem is that before i finish doing one thing I’m beginning another.
Lately i have just been thinking, “do i actually know what i want to do.” I have taken up so many things, and i have done so many different courses, believing that that was the route i wanted to go down and then later realising that it wasn’t or being doubtful as to whether i was making the right decision. Just when i feel like i am getting somewhere discovering more about me, i come to a sudden halt. It’s like i get through one hurdle only to face another. So for the past few day’s i have been angry with myself. I have been constantly asking myself , whats’ wrong with me. But i know the only person who can fix this is me.  I have got a lot of thinking and a lot more learning to do. A lot more to learn about myself.

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December 6, 2008 Posted by | Personal stuff | , | 2 Comments